Unfinished Business

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't been well. So, I wanted to give a run down of a bunch of unfinished business which will give me some badly needed peace of mind (hopefully!). 1. My ongoing health issues - it's been bad (in a whole different way I think than in the summer); my Central Nervous System is working overtime. Normally, when a healthy person intercepts stimulus (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell) your body responds with the proper amount of serotonin or whatever other chemicals your brain and body needs and you never give it a second thought. The lead poisoning (which my doctor told me is the highest in anybody she has ever treated - woohoo!) blocks the neuro receptors and so the brain just keeps on sending the right stuff until there is no more left - then the adrenals and all the flight/fight responders go into overdrive and I experience a pile of crappy symptoms (racing heartbeat, anxiety like symptoms that aren't anxiety, nausea, headaches, diarrhea, bowel cramping, pain that makes me want to weep - and I know I am one tough woman - in my neck, my collarbone, my shoulders, my elbows, my wrists, my intercostals and my back, my pelvis and hips, my knees, my ankles and all the muscles in between, insomnia, swollen glands, blood sugar swings - usually too low and, the best two symptoms of all, the continual body vibrating and this humming that sounds like an airport in my head. It is tiring, it is exhausting, it is all consumming. My cognitive faculties are not so bad these days ; there is no question that they are connected to my level of fatigue but I am not having the brain fog from the summer - so my brain is whirring like a computer and my body is in stall. Sadly, I have finally succumbed to the one thing that I have fought for so long - bed rest. I am in bed right now most of the time and I know it is where I need to be but it is so freaking hard. However, I feel hope - so much hope. I have my first test chelation on Tuesday December 12(please send positive thoughts my way) and if all goes well I will start my first series of 12 chelations in the New Year (frequency dependent on how I respond and my creatinine levels - a sign that my kidneys are dealing with it well too). All my bloodwork is fantastic; my hemoglobin is normal (when I started at the clinic it was 6 - low end normal is 120 - it is only at 120 but at least it is there!), my cholesteral which has always been good is super low, my blood sugar is excellent and my creatinine levels are super. My blood pressure is wonderful and while my pulse is still too high sometimes it is strong and steady. My green eyes are becoming bluer and clearer as they clear out the toxins and the asthma I have had since I was a year and a half old is almost non - existant. So there are lots of postives. And I always count my blessings - no matter how bad it is for me it is always worse for someone else. I think about Bliss who hasn't been able to leave her bedroom for months (I wish I had the fucking money, I would renovate the woman's house myself), the homeless adults and children who are cold, hungry and dependent on the kindness of others (Lynne, I have one purple mitten knit and I am hoping to get it's partner finished to send to you this week), Grace, Kaitlyn and all the other children like her who have to deal with serious, life threatening illness when they should be playing. There is so much more tragedy and hardship than I have - so I count my blessings and I am very thankful for all that I have and what I can do. 2. My Birthday - came and went. It was pretty quiet although I must give a shout out and a huge thank you to my best bud Carole (the blogless one), Sheree, as well as Amanda, Jasmine and J (who continually cracks me up whenever we chat on the phone) for their birthday wishes - it definitely gave my heart a lift. My guys sang a great rendition of the birthday song and Ed bought this great Carrot Cake (my absolute, all time favourite cake in the world) from this great bakery in Peterborough. And I rested. 3. My Parent's 50th Wedding Anniversary - came and went. I am in amazment and respect of this achievement; more so because in spite of all their flaws and issues, my parents still love and like each other after having been together more than 50 years. I missed the dinner (bed rest) but I did make them this kick ass scrapbook about their marriage - which took more out of me than was good for me but they were seriously blown away. Woohoo! Congrats Mom and Dad! 4. Toasty Toes - Amanda has been so sweet. She is my recipient (I am not really busting any big secret since all the socks have been sent and received except mine to her - she being the only one without socks to keep her warm) and she has been so incredibly understanding and patient. The socks are almost done - one is finished and the other three quarters done. Easy pattern but not when you are me right now. I will be making it up to her let me tell you - and she is still letting me participate in Bloomin' Feet (I do promise they won't be late - I hate being late)! I do have some awesome goodies for her and I am hoping to send out her socks by the end of the week or next week (LOL, just in time for Christmas - I will just say it is the new Hallowe'en!). As an aside, I have to say that Amanda has really been a rock for me the last 6 months or so - I have met the most incredible people through blogging - I feel so bloody fortunate to know some women of the hightest quality with whom I have clicked and connected and who have been so supportive of me while I deal with my shit (Carole, Suzie, Cathy , Amanda C and so many more - please don't be pissed if your name isn't here, this post is beginning to catch up with me). Kindness is such an amazing thing and so often overlooked, under rated or just not given the due of its incredible power - thoughtful kindness, kindness with intention - so thank you for all the kindness you have and continue to share with me. 5. Warming Grace - I desperately need to update (I have photos, names, squares and, oh yeah, prizes to award from the end of June - sorry!) but I haven't had the energy. There are 6 blankets done - my goal is still twenty and while I will update as soon as I can when I am better I will be getting back on track with this project; it is so incredibly important to me. A little update for you about Grace - she is featured in the Calgary Sun today and the article is here. GO Gracie! Okay I think that is everything. If you read through this whole post you deserve a freaking medal - thanks for persevering. Sorry there are no photos, I did try to upload a couple and Blogger will not let me and I do not have the fortitude to fight with it. Amanda did offer to set me up on Typepad and I am seriously considering it (it just feels way too big for my brain these days). I have turned off the commments, not because I don't want to hear from you, it's just that when all these wonderful, thoughtful, caring and kinds words come in I get all emotional (and I need to stay as calm as possible) and then I really want to respond to each and every one of them because they are so meaningful for me but I know that I really need to focus my energies right now. Please do send me positive vibes on Tuesday, and if I am not able to get another post up before, I hope you have a lovely, healthy and safe holiday. I believe that miracles happen everyday but I am particularly heartened by everyone's generosity of spirit during this time of the year so it makes everything more ripe for great miracles. Okay, now I am going back to bed.

No comments: